sino ako…?

       tumatakbo ang panahon na tila ang bukas ay bahagi na lamang ng isang madilim  na kahapon.. minasdan ko ang paligid at ang walang hanggang kadilimang bumabalot rito.. nagising akong naririnig ang malakas na pagpatak ng ulan mula sa langit.. namulat akong damang dama ang malamig na pakiramdam na bumabalot sa aking kaibuturan. biglang lumiwanag ang lahat.. gamit ang maliit na liwanag na nagmumula sa kandila ay inumpisahan kong isulat ang lahat ng mumunting salitang sumsigaw sa aking isipan.. tumigil ako sandali.. nag isip ng malalim.. aking napag tanto na ang panahon ay lumilipas ng hindi namamalayan. ang mumunting mga kamay ng orasan ay unti unting umiikot ng hindi natin napapansin.. kay bilis ng oras.. parang kailan lang.. isang nilalang ang isinilang sa mundo. isang munting iyak ang narinig sa apat na sulok ng isang silid. at eto sya ngayon, nagsusulat, hindi alam kung ano ang patutunguhan ng bawat letrang isinusulat ng kanyang kamay… isang masaklap na katotohanan, pero lahat tayo, tumatanda, nababago.. at sa ating pagtanda, humaharap tayo sa iba’t ibang yugto ng buhay kung saan may pintong nagsasara, at panibagong nagbubukas! at sa bawat kwentong ito, saan nga ba hahantong ang isang paglalakbay na hindi alam kung san patutungo?

            sino nga ba ako? bakit ba ako nandito? ano nga ba ang kahahantungan ko? ano nga ba ang halaga ko!? pilit kong hinahanap ang sagot sa aking katanungan na bumabagabag sa aking isipan… kilala ko na nga ba ang sarili ko? o patuloy nalamang ba akong magtatago sa likod ng aking anino?

            sa kadiliman, hinahanap ko ang sarili ko.. gusto kong sumigaw na ako lang ang makadidinig! gusto kong umiyak na ako lang ang makakakita! gusto kong tumakbo patung kung saan! pero bakit hindi ko magawa? wala na akong tinig upang sumigaw! wala na kong luhang mailuluha pa! wala na akong lakas para tumakbo!

           tumingin ako sa salamin, pinagmasdan ko ang babaeng nakita ko sa harap nito.. nakatingin sya saki.. ang mga mata nya na tila nagtatanong.. nakita ko sa mga mata nya ang mumunting butil ng perlas na nagkukubli sa kanyang mga ngiti.. butil ng perlas na nakahandang kumawala oras na hindi na makayanan ang pagdurusang kanyang nadarama.. nakita ko sa kanyang mga labi nagkukubli ang kalungkutang dala ng pag-iisa at pagkaligalig.. sinubukan ko siyang tanungin subalit hindi siya sumagot.. sa halip ay ibinabato nia sa akin ang mga tanong na pilit kong hinahanapan ng sagot..nakikita ko sa kanyang mga mata ang panunumbat sa kung anong kinahantungan ko ngayon! ang mga labi nyang naninisi kung bakit ako nagkaganito.. dito bumuhos ang mga luhang matagal kong ikinubli sa aking mga ngiti ng mahabang panahon.. at nakita ko siya, umiiyak siya kasama ko.. sabay kaming lumuha hanggang maubos ang mga luhang matagal ng itinatago,, muli ko siyang tinignan.. nalaman kong di ako nag iisa.. sumilay sa king mukha ang labios na kaligayahan.. at nakita ko.. ngumiti siya.. bagama’t mababanaag padin sa kanyang mga mata ang bakas ng pagluha, ngumiti siya na walang bahid ng kalungkutang itinatago.. wala na ang kalungkutang kanina’y nagkukubli sa kanyang mga mata.. 

            sumaglit akong nag isip kung sino siyang talaga,, muli ko siyang tinanong subalit hindi padin siya sumagot…. nalaman ko sa sarili ko na kilala ko ang babaeng kaharap ko sa salamin.. subalit pano ko sya makikilala kung maging ang sarili ko ay hindi ko kilala.. paano ko makikilala ang babae sa salamin na walang iba kundi ako???

empty

                         when is the right time to fall in love? is it by the first time you have a feeling of adoration to one person you have known from the very beginning or the person whom you’ve wanted to spend the rest of your lives.. when we fall inlove, we tend to mmake promises to the one we love that we would never find someone to replace them.. but as soon as love faded, all the promises, sweet thoughts, wonderful dreams, just vanished away with a blink of an eye.. all of a sudden, all the sweet kisses and tight embraces faded away and never come back again.. as wounds were healed by time, we are to discover new life, and new relationship with other people, falling inlove with another person whom we didn’t expect… but the more we fall inlove, the more it daggered us with pain and loneliness.. the more we got hurt.. and when we realized it, it was too late.. too late to gfo back from the beggining, wishing that you haven’t fall inlove with that person…

 it was disgusting.. but what cud we do..

we cud not turn back time..

i know

when the moment i saw you

I KNOW, God has plans for me and you

when the very first time i’ve known you

I KNOW, fate has a reason too..

we never meant that accident

but I KNOW, destiny played that accident

when i greeted you, i was mistaken

but I KNOW, that moment couldn’t be forgotten..

a blessing in disguise, God has given me

a light beneath the shadow’s infinity

the warm breeze that comforts me

and Gave me strength in times of my insanity..

you filled the emptiness within me

asking nothing in return but for me to be happy

you turned my days into something new

and changed my worthless life too..

I KNOW i don’t deserve your affection

to hurt you was not my intention

now i’m confused and don’t know what to say

but all I KNOW is i want you to stay..

regrets

ive known him when we were still young

his name is popular but i never know who he was

ive got interested but never gave an effort

to know him and be his friend

after several years i have forgotten him

but still his name is chasing me

until our separatedways met

and our roads crossed again

when i saw him, i know that i knew him

and then i take a chance

ive greeted him as if i we knew each other

until i was shocked because it was all a mistake

but i never regret of that mistake

because our different lives became one

we become close with each other

without realizing that our lives wouldnt be the same again

until our roads parted again

ways that areparallel and would never met

we loose our communications

but still i treat him the same way as before

destiny played us a game

our eyes met and he disturbed my senses

my heart that was beating for someone else

became confused and doesnt know what to choose

he asked me if im inlove with someone else

and i told him yes

he asked me if that someone loves me too

i also answered yes because its the truth

i know that he loves me

even though i keep telling myself that he doesnt do

i dont want to hurt his feelings

but i dont want to lie to him

then onhe day i asked him who his love is

hoping and praying that it wwas not me

because it would make me feel uneasy

making me uncomfortable

but his answer is for me to look at the mirror

and i found myself staring at me

he told me the woman there is the one

the girl he loves from the very beginning

i know i shoudnt feel this way

but why should i want him to stay?

is there something inside me i want to reveal

should i let him go for him to be happy?

confusion

staring at nowhere.. thinking of the things that were bothering my mind. i just cant tell what is in my heart. it keeps breaking me apart. though i shouldnt fel this way, i just couldnt help my self. loving someone who also loves you is the most wonderful thing in this worl but the hardest part is someone was there, loving you, hiding his feelings just for the sake of your happiness, asking for nothing in return.. and that someone, is someone very special, so near to your heart. for the long time you havent met, no communication between the two of you. and when your eyes met.. he disturbed all your senses. you keep telling yourself that your inlove with someone else but your mind keeps thinking of him for the time you wake up, until you go to bed.. even in dreams.. at first youre not sure if he loves you, but now he’s here, telling you what he feels,, saying that it is okay because he know s that you would never love him the way he does.. confessing that his heart was beating for you for a very long time.. and those statements make you confused, thinking of what you feel for him,, but the saddest part is it keeps hurting you every time he was going to leave. realizing that it may be the last time you would see him or hear his voice.. and now youre asking yourself, why did you let him go..? would it be the same way as before or something would change.? you couldnt forgive yourself if changes happen. but if that happens, could you accept that sometimes, reality is a nightmare? or would you live in dreams being happy with him….?

i don’t know

the more i think about you

the more i realized how much i love you

everytime you smile at me

you always make me feel happy

i don’t know why i feel this way

but all i know is i want to stay

staying in your sweet embrace

is my dwelling place

should i feel this way

or should i let it go away?

You…

You

by Shaine Maala and emj0zar

My wonderful day starts with a simple smile from your face,

Everytime I look at you, I feel simply amazed

For me you’re the blessing and God’s grace,

You always make me happy in your simple ways.

Hours passed and the day turned to night,

Still, I can’t take you away from my sight,

How can I fall asleep if I can’t forget the sweetest looks in your eyes?

It’s an expected thing that you’re the reason why my night becomes bright.

The night have gone and the next day came,

My whole day was never be the same,

For I was not able to see you and all I can feel is pain,

But this pain won’t stop me from loving you, again and again.

It wasn’t easy to have this emptiness in me,

Being with you is where I want to be,

You’re the reason of this sudden misery,

But then you’re the completion of my story.

The Light Behind The Shadows…

Sa Isang Iglap…

All I can do…